Thursday 24 November 2016

Script Update Fifth Draft

I'm toying with the idea of adding a page to the comic at the end. It'll totally change the tone of the story and potentially destroys the character arc but it feels better to me. I'll need to get some feedback.

Here it is :

PAGE 1 (5 panels)

PANEL 1
Long wide panel, close up of sandaled feet running on the ground.

CAPTION
I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CENTURION
Keep going! They’re right behind us!

PANEL 2
We focus on a small group of the romans breaking off from the main force. The are heading towards a forest.

CAPTION
Our forces were unable to break the Cimbrian defense and we fled...

FLAVIUS
This way! We’ll lose them in the woods!




PANEL 3
The group of Roman survivors has entered the forest. They can be seen in the foreground rushing through the trees hastily. In the background, high on the edge of the trees we see silhouettes of the barbarians in pursuit.

PULLO
They’re still behind us! We can regroup and fight them!


CRISPUS
Aye we can take these bastards by surprise if we use the terrain for cover.

FLAVIUS
No! Keep going.

PANEL 4
Up ahead there is a dense fog.

VORENUS
In here. They’ll never find us we can reach the main camp by morning once we lose them.

PANEL 5
The legionnaires travel through the mist.

CENTURION
What is this mist?

FLAVIUS
Stay within sight of each other.

PULLO
Gods, I can’t see a bloody thing.

CENTURION 2
It’s so thick

PAGE 2 (6 panels)

PANEL 1
They come out the other side of the mist, still deep in the forest.

CAPTION
We made it through the mist but none of us were ready for what was coming next.
FLAVIUS
Vorenus take some men and secure a perimeter. The rest of you rest here for a moment. We’ll head back to the main camp shortly.

BLASIUS
I can’t believe we survived that.

PANEL 2
Medium shot of Crispus and Blasius with Pullo in the BG

CRISPUS
Curse you and you’re surviving! If it weren’t for cowards like you we could have crushed the barbarians.

PULLO
What you on about Crispus?

PANEL 3
Crispus still staring at Blasius who is taken aback by the sudden verbal assault. Pullo still in the BG.

CRISPUS
He was the first to run! He spent the entire battle trying to work his way to the back lines while real Romans were fighting and dying.

PANEL 4
Crispus is angrily moving closer to Blasius half drawing his Gladius when Flavius steps in to put an end to the argument.

CRISPUS
I’m going to gut you right here.

(O.P)FLAVIUS
Enough Crispus! Stand down!

PANEL 5
Flavius looking sternly at Crispus. Crispus is still fixed on Blasius. His hand just releasing his sword as he replies.

FLAVIUS
I said, STAND. DOWN.

CRISPUS
CRISPUS
...Yes, sir.

PANEL 6
Crispus and Flavius look up to the right suddenly as Vorenus yells a warning.

VORENUS
Movement in the mist. The enemy are upon us! Ready yourselves.

PAGE 3 (5 panels)

PANEL 1
The soldiers are at the ready. Mist all around them. A guttural roar sounds.

SKREEEEEEEEEEEE!

PANEL 2
Close Up on some of the legionnaires looking confused and worried.

LEGIONNAIRE
What in the name of the gods was that?

PANEL 3
One of the legionnaires is tackled really quickly by something that came flying out of the mist. The others turn to look suddenly

LEGIONNAIRE
Arghhhhh!

CREATURE
Grooowwwwwwlll!

PANEL 4
Larger panel of the legionnaires under attack by the creatures. Show multiple creatures flying at them from the left and crashing into the soldiers with the momentum. Blasius is in the midst holding his sword limply looking utterly horrified.

CAPTION
We had no idea what the creatures were.



FLAVIUS
Form up! Form up! Don’t let them break through!

PULLO
They’re already through!

CRISPUS
To the death then!

CAPTION
Their Claws carved through flesh steel and bone as though they were the same.

PANEL 5
Close on Blasius. He is frozen in fear. Chaos reigns all around him.

(O.P)FLAVIUS
Blasius!



PAGE 4 (6-12 Panels)

This page could be purposely made confusing and chaotic with only Blasius crawl to cover reading traditionally. Can add extra images of soldiers fighting the demons in small panels all around. Lots of SFX.

PANEL 1
Close up of Flavius shouting at Blasius. Behind him a shadow emerges.

FLAVIUS
Draw your sword and fight you fucking coward!

PANEL 2
Charging out of the miss a giant version of the creatures smashes several soldiers including Flavius into the air with a single swing of it’s massive arm.

PANEL 3
Blasius is struck by one of the flying centurions and knocked to the ground.

PANEL 4
A hole in the ground can be seen nearby where he lands.

PANEL 5
Blasius crawls into the hole, grabbing some foliage on his way in.

PANEL 6
We see his foot disappear into the hole in the foreground. Romans are falling and creatures descending on them to feast before they are even dead in the background.

Page 5 (6 panels)
PANEL 1
Flavius, who is slumped against a tree mortally wounded, locks eyes with Blasius in his hiding hole. In the background the fighting still rages on. The ground is littered with dead Romans and creatures.

CAPTION
Flavius saw me. He was staring straight at me.

PANEL 2
Mid shot on Flavius.

CAPTION
In those last seconds before the creatures ripped his throat open...

PANEL 3
Demons descend on him and rip his throat out as he looks chillingly still at Blasius.

CAPTION
I could see in his eyes a burning hatred.

CAPTION
It was obvious in that moment he was silently cursing me.

PANEL 4
Closeup on Blasius eyes/face from the hiding spot. He lies there frozen in fear. Afraid to do anything incase he is discovered. All he can do is watch as his comrades are slaughtered and devoured by these demonic beasts.

CAPTION
I should have been ashamed. I should have hated myself...

PANEL 5

Pull out from his spot to see the creatures skulking around and tearing bits off the romans. Blasius still visible in the BG

CAPTION
But deep down, all I really thought was...

PANEL 6
Pull out further to show more of the aftermath. Blasius still visible in the BG.

CAPTION
...thank the gods I’m alive.



PAGE 6
Full page illustration.

PANEL 1
Blasius at the bottom of the page cowering. Tormented. Above Blasius is the images of the battle and the creatures. We can see a closeup of one of the creatures evil looking faces looking right at us as it eats some gore and holds some lumps of flesh in the other hand. Images of brave centurions in battle. And images of Flavius staring at him and Crispus angrily calling him a coward.

CAPTION
The days and nights became a blur as I lay in that hole.

CAPTION
Each night I heard them again. Scavenging at sunset, hunting in the forest until dawn.

CAPTION
Afraid to move, I relived the horror of what I’d seen over and over again.

CAPTION
And each time I did I experienced the shame of my actions.

CAPTION
I saw Crispus’ rage.

CAPTION
And Flavius disappointment.

CAPTION
I’d resigned myself to my fate: To lay there and waste away. Let the thirst take me into the next life. Better that than the alternative...
PAGE 7 (4 Panels)
PANEL 1
Blasius is curled in a fetal position at the bottom of a tall panel with an image of his father, a brave centurion above him.

CAPTION
In my resignation, I thought of the people I loved. My mother. My Brother and Sister. And my Father. The Centurion.

CAPTION
I wanted them to come and take me away from this place.

CAPTION
But they weren’t coming. No one was coming. I was alone.


PANEL 2
Closeup of Blasius grimacing. Wrestling with a difficult decision.

CAPTION
I wasn’t angry. I was disappointed. I’d let this happen.

CAPTION
I never lived the life I wanted to live. I was too scared to.

CAPTION
All I had left was my death.

PANEL 3 Extreme closeup of Blasius his eye opens.

PANEL 4
Blasius crawls out of the hole.
Page 8
Montage page of Blasius travelling through the forest gradually getting panicked.

CAPTION
When I moved outside I was greeted by the leftovers of the feast. A stark reminder of my fate should I fail to escape this nightmare. It made me sick to my stomach.

CAPTION
I was hungry and exhausted but determined.

CAPTION
If only I had known then what seems obvious now.

BLASIUS
We didn’t travel this far. Gods, am I losing my mind?

CAPTION
All day I searched the way I was sure we had entered for the edge of the forest.

CAPTION
A terror sank its fingers into my flesh as I realised I had gone to far to make it back to my hole in the ground before nightfall.

CAPTION
As sunset approached thoughts of the creatures preyed upon me. I began to think all was lost.


BLASIUS
Gods, I’m saved! It’s more exposed but surely...


PAGE 9 (7 panels)
PANEL 1
Med Close shot of Blasius with a horrified look on his face looking into the cave. Groans and growls come from deeper inside.

CAPTION
Not long after I settled in the mouth of the cave, I heard them.

CAPTION
The sun was just going down. But the noises weren’t coming from outside.

PANEL 2
Long shot of Blasius darting out of the cave as fast as he can.

Blasius
Noooo!

PANEL 3
From behind a tree,utterly terrified, he sees the creatures spill out of the cave.

BLASIUS
Gods, I can’t stay here. I have to move. I have to find the way out!

PANEL 4
Med shot. Blasius stealthily darts through the forest. Creatures silhouetted in the BG and growls and groans all around him.



PANEL 5
OTS Full shot. Blasius rounds a tree and startles one of the creatures.

PANEL 6
Without wasting a second he runs it through with his Gladius but not before the creature gives out a primal screech.



PAGE 10
PANEL 1
Low angle shot. Blasius is running forward as fast as he can. He can hear them all behind him now.

PANEL 2
Closeup on Blasius. He looks startled and relieved at the same time.
BLASIUS
By the Gods!

PANEL 3
High angle Long shot of Blasius racing towards the mist. The creatures can still be heard behind him.

BLASIUS
The Mist! It has to be the way out!

PANEL 4
Reverse Low angle Med/full shot. Blasius screeches to a halt. Looking up. A loud roar comes from off panel.

BLASIUS
No…

PANEL 5
Sure enough, out of the mist comes bounding the larger creature straight for him.

Page 11

Panel 1
Closeup as he readies himself.

BLASIUS
I’m dead as soon as it gets to me. I’ve only one chance. Have to make it...


PANEL 2
He times the strike perfectly. His sword lands right in the creature's gut as he ducks under a swinging clawed hand.

BLASIUS
...COUNT!

PANEL 3
The creature thuds to the ground past Blasius who is looking at it with relief.

BLASIUS
It's. Down!  I can't believe it. I’m Finally, I am free to leave this horrible place.



PANEL 4
Blasius starts into the mist. But as he takes a step he hears a shout behind him and turns surprised.

(O.P.)CRISPUS
WAIT!!! Don’t leave me!!

BLASIUS
Crispus?


PANEL 5
We see Crispus rushing towards Blasius. A few of the creatures are almost on him with the rest not far behind. He’s fighting them off as best as he can.


CAPTION
And so here I am. Once again facing the same decision I always face.


PAGE 12
Panel 1
Blasius smashes into one of the creatures and slices the head of another as Crispus stabs a third.

CAPTION
This is how it has to be.

Panel 2
Med/long shot of: Blasius tries to carry Crispus but Crispus has a wounded leg. It’s useless. More of the creatures are near them now in the foreground. Framing them.

Panel 3
Bigger panel of both the centurions engaging with the creatures.

Panel 4
Pull out. We see the swarm of the creatures around them. It’s looking hopeless now.

Panel 5
Long shot. The creatures are now like a horde of ants swarming an invader.

CAPTION
I can’t run again. I won’t.



Page 13

Single Panel
Blasius is still in the hole. He never left.

CAPTION
And so here I am. Once again facing the same decision I always face.

CAPTION
But after everything, this is how it has to be.

BLASIUS
I can’t run again. I won’t.

BLASIUS
I’m a hero.

THE END







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